upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
