Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
