my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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