Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
