I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize