Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fuck appropriateness.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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