White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
