he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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