you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
