So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
