Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
