I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dear god my vagina.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
