Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We had sex on a dog bed..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
