Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your face is a jimmy john
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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