Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
