thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
