remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
