it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
