This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
