just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
