i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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