you guys were way drunker than both of me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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