I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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