Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
