my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
