It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
