i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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