My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
