I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
