found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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