In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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