My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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