i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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