I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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