so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
