so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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