I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
