He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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