dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
