please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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