I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
