im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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