I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
