I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
