so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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