her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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