I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
