Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
