Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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