It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Randomize
