I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
