im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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