Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
