Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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