he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
