Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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