just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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