So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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