I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
