i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
