he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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