It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
