I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
