I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
