I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
