It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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