I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
