i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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