i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
